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PTSD Self Help: Turning Survival into a Life Worth Living . . . Countdown to Book Launch!!

PTSD Self Help Promo

Filled with all of the helpful information you’ve found here at PTSD Relief and more, PTSD Self Help: Transforming Survival into a Life Worth Living, THE BOOK, will be available everywhere Spring 2014!

So, if you missed your chance . . .

Everyone had ONE LAST WEEK in January to gather all the PTSD Self Help material they could from PTSD Relief . . .

Now it’s gone!

At least until you purchase your very own copy of PTSD Self Help: Transforming Survival into a Life Worth Living!

By the way, 10% of the proceeds from the sale of each book goes toward building an interactive, on-line version of The Center for Hope & Renewal!

Subscribe! That way, while we’re under construction getting ready for the BIG LAUNCH, you don’t miss out on great giveaways, pre-sale order opportunities and book signing tour updates 🙂

Can’t wait to hit the road and meet many of you in person!

Peace,

Annmarie

 

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Shhh…It’s a Secret.

A. E. Huppert - Author

 

Are you looking for help in healing from Post Traumatic Stress? Maybe you’re looking for PTSD Self Help, my blog series on how to walk away from PTSD forever? Well, you’ve found it! But not for long . . .

I’m happy to announce to YOU, a loyal reader and traveller on the PTSD healing journey, that this blog site will be changing very soon, thanks to the 2013 publication of the book, PTSD Self Help: Transforming Survival into a Life Worth Living.

So, gather the articles and information you need right away! They’ll be disappearing soon . . .

Advance praise for PTSD Self Help:

“With candor, confidence, and courage, author A.E. Huppert establishes a practical and personal approach to empowering those who suffer with Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder to move beyond hopelessness to healing. The material delivers comprehensive, well-researched, and relevant information with both compassion and credibility. Not only is Ms. Huppert well-versed academically on the causes, effects, and treatments for PTSD—she has first-hand experience, which results in an undeniable authenticity and clarity that is compelling and reassuring.” ~ Editor, FriesenPress

“The reading of PTSD Self-Help was a remarkable experience in that I felt positively impacted by the author’s writing above and beyond the scope of my editorial duties; the narrative demonstrates beyond a shadow of a doubt that the author has left no stone unturned in her own recovery; having emerged victorious on the other side of recovery, she is an authority to be trusted. For so many who have been deeply traumatized, the first steps to healing means exploring uncharted territory, but this need not be as terrifying a prospect when equipped with such valuable insights as shared by the author. I commend Ms. Huppert for her tenacity, generosity, and eloquence, and I wish her satisfaction and success as she moves closer to the release of her brave and riveting book.” ~ Editor, FriesenPress

Wow! Thanks, FriesenPress!

You can find PTSD Self Help: Transforming Survival into a Life Worth Living at on-line and independent bookstores EVERYWHERE! Or you can stay tuned here at PTSD Relief or on Facebook for the latest on release dates and book signing events!

Thank you in advance for supporting a PTSD healing revolution and the building of The Center for Hope & Renewal with every purchase of PTSD Self Help: Transforming Survival into a Life Worth Living.

Remember . . . it’s all about hope . . . renewal . . . transformation.

Peace,

Annmarie

A. E. Huppert

About my father…

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Stephen L. Gunderson
My Daddy

Daddy. That’s what I lovingly called him. Until I woke up.

He wasn’t the one, mind you. People who’ve only heard snippets of my story over the years privately wonder about that. Today, on Father’s Day, I’m making it official. I’m going on record to say in my long history of abuse, my wonderful father was never a part of any of it.

When I Woke Up, I Was 10, has been a labor of love, passion and pain for almost as long as my struggle with Post Traumatic Stress. As my memoir of sorts, the title attempts to capture the realities of how our world’s rape culture (especially here in the U.S.) suddenly dawns upon the innocence of childhood (especially for girls). It also hints at how traumatic experiences – from sexual abuse, cancer, war or any other horrible thing you can think of that human beings do to one another – can just as suddenly cause an awakening of the human spirit. What I didn’t anticipate was the clarity about my traumatic past writing When I Woke Up, I Was 10 would give me.

Here’s what happened, but by no means was this the beginning. I was 10 years old. My great aunt’s pedophile husband duped her into abandoning her plans to escort me on a one week trip to Puntzi Lake, Canada. Instead, he convinced her he was capable of the task; thus beginning my nightmare.

What were you doing the summer when you were 10?If you were like me (female in 1978), you were collecting Breyer horses, riding your ten speed or

Always on my daddy’s lap…

banana seat bicycle and still enjoying a run through the sprinkler. I still called my father, daddy. When he returned home from a long day working at Puget Sound Naval Shipyard, I would run to greet him. His strong, lean arms encircling me in his protection. I shouldn’t have had to enjoy the grounding sense of security and protection his touch gave me “while it lasted.” At 10, I took it for granted. At 10, I woke up to the realities of a hard, harsh, uncaring breed of men that would haunt me well into my 30s.

Ten years old is too young to start calling your father, dad. But being jumped in to the scary, dark side of adult sexuality, made the burden of knowing things I shouldn’t about my daddy follow me around like a shadow. These frightening things a secret only to me, apparently. Certainly if my mother and great aunt knew this secret life of men, they wouldn’t have allowed me to go on that fateful trip, would they? That was the year something within me shifted. The only man I had really ever known or trusted became “Dad.”

As a 44 year old, independent woman, I still run to greet my daddy, despite what turned out to be not only two weeks of torture, but also 23 years of abuse at the hands of men. Ok, not much running going on at my age, but he’s the first stop I make. And guess what? I still feel an overwhelming sense of security and protection when I’m wrapped in his arms.

As a child, this confused me. At first, the aftereffects of sexual abuse threatened to instill fear of my daddy. As I found my way into being a woman, nearly every experience I had with men turned out poorly for me; from marrying them, befriending them, partnering with them in business, or giving them pastoral authority over my spiritual wellbeing. In the arms of my daddy, all this was turned upside down. Flying in the face of what my experience had taught me, the consistency of my daddy’s love gently wore away the pain.Over time, our deep and intense love for one another and our affectionate way of being together swept away that fear altogether.

Graduating from bible college together…

At 30, when I entered into my final, intense healing season (lasting three years), it was the consistency of how I felt with my daddy’s arms circled around me that gave me hope. A hope that somehow I could find my way out of a nightmare and back into the reality I had known before I woke up.

Now, almost 10 years living as a whole, healed and symptom free survivor, I relish the moments in his arms and think of him as daddy once more. I drink in the stable, unconditional security his sixty-seven years envelops me in every time we embrace. I grieve for the lost years, when I should have been able to enjoy security, instead of questioning. And, although he wasn’t able to protect me from what he didn’t know (or what was kept from him), on this side of healing, I’m grateful for his generosity, fairness and quiet strength.

How can one truly know the sheer joy of safety in another’s arms unless that safety has been violated?

You gave that joy and safety to me daddy. I love you with all of my heart, my soul, my very being.

Happy Father’s Day 🙂

PTSD Support for spouses and families: Healthy boundaries

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Survivors aren’t the only one’s affected by the aftereffects of PTSD. Family and friends feel the impact of the healing process, too.                      Photo credit: smarnad/freedigitalphotos.net

For every person wrestling with the debilitating symptoms of PTSD, there is a partner, spouse or family member significantly affected by the survivor’s recovery process. Unfortunately, there is minimal literature and almost no support for them.

Whether the survivor’s traumatic event included sexual abuse, rape, wartime events, or another life changing event, at some point, partners and family often sense there is something wrong in the relationship that defies explanation. Despite the best efforts of loved ones to be positive and encouraging, the survivor remains depressed, moody, and driven to irrational behavior. “Indirectly, partners of sexual abuse survivors are also victims,” according to Ken Graber, author of Ghosts in the Bedroom.

Graber defines partners to include lovers, spouses, intimate friends, family members or any other person in a relationship with a survivor who is affected by the survivor’s feelings and actions. Keep in mind that the survivor typically is not aware of how far reaching the impact of the traumatic event is or how difficult the recovery process can be for themselves and the people who love them. The key for partners is to practice detachment with a healthy dose of love for the survivor.

A Tacoma mother, who asked not to be named, has an adult daughter with undiagnosed but suspected PTSD. She says, “The emotional outbursts that occur seemingly without provocation and the physical ailments that no doctor can pinpoint make life for a young adult woman harder than it should be. As a family you get through the initial trauma. The child grows up and everything is good, until they get into what should be a healthy sexual relationship. That is when the hidden triggers rear their ugly effects. It is heartbreaking.”

Detaching from the recovery process with love means supporting the survivor while they face their personal issues without trying to manage the survivor’s recovery or taking offense when they express strong emotion. By gaining clarity about which issues must be addressed by the partner, which issues can be addressed by the survivor and partner together and which issues must be addressed by the survivor alone, partners or family members can go a long way toward establishing themselves as an ally.

“All you can do is walk along side them and continue to love them. They have to be the ones to accept treatment,” continues the Tacoma mother. “As a mom, I would rather take on all the hurts she is going through than see her re-live the horror of the assault that happened so many years ago. It is a heavy burden to carry for the person with PTSD and for their loved ones. Thank God there is help out there. To know we don’t walk alone is a major factor in survival and healing.”

If you are a partner or family member of a survivor and feel you have been affected by the survivor’s experience, you may be feeling confused, frustrated, angry, or a variety of other feelings. It is good to know you are not alone and that many other partners have these same feelings. Remember, these are temporary feelings that you will resolve on your own and that dealing with these feelings is your own responsibility. Is your partner or loved one a survivor of sexual abuse? Check out these 14 questions to find out.

Join your loved one on the journey! Subscribe, so you won’t miss out on upcoming articles about how to be a positive member of your loved one’s Healing Team (handy button at the top/side of this page). It’s free! So, let the adventure begin! Also, feel free to ask questions, let me know what you think about the series, or just see what I’m up to! Here’s how to connect:

PTSD Support for Spouses: Is my loved one a survivor of sexual abuse?

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Do you suspect your loved one might be struggling with PTSD? Many survivors keep their trauma a secret…even from the ones they love most.
Photo credit: Idea Go/freedigitalphotos.net

Your girlfriend tells you that she was abused as a child, but that it doesn’t bother her now. You think differently. Or maybe your boyfriend shares a startling and disturbing story about his past, and you’re quick to brush it off as irrelevant to your relationship. Think again. On the other hand, maybe you’ve been married for a number of years but recently, your spouse has been distant, emotional and spaced out. You suspect it has something to do with the past, but can’t be sure.

It doesn’t matter what kind of trauma your loved one experienced. Lovers, spouses, intimate friends, family members or any other person in a relationship with a survivor can be affected by the survivor’s feelings and actions, according to Ken Graber’s book, Ghosts in the Bedroom. Typically a survivor is not aware of how far reaching the impact of the traumatic event is or how difficult the recovery process can be for themselves and the people who love them. The key for people supporting a loved one in the healing process is to practice detachment with a healthy dose of love for the survivor.

As a spouse or significant other, the best thing you can do is to prepare yourself for your loved one’s recovery process by creating your own support system, as well as educating yourself about PTSD and the healing journey. You can begin by looking within to identify your own patterns of destructive or limiting behavior and taking responsibility for your own issues. This is an important part of being in relationship with a survivor, since the survivor’s recovery process can and will trigger your own issues. Your courage to take on your own core issues will be an encouraging example to the survivor you love.

However, being the intimate partner of someone struggling with PTSD as a result of sexual abuse comes with an additional, healthy dose of trust issues. For this reason alone, you need to feel confident about what you’re dealing with. Below I’ve provided a brief quiz to get you on the right track. Use these questions to build up your confidence that what you’re experiencing with your partner is real. Then, take the next step and begin educating yourself.

Am I the partner of a sexual abuse survivor? Is someone I care about wrestling with PTSD and the aftermath of sexual trauma? Remember, entering into recovery must be the survivor’s decision and in the survivor’s timing. However, the questions below will help you identify the possibility of whether or not someone you love might be carrying the weight of a PTSD struggle as a result of childhood sexual abuse. For more information about survivors of other forms of trauma, check out the book I Can’t Get Over It! A Handbook for Trauma Survivors by Aphrodite Matsakis, Ph.D.

Answer ‘Yes’ or ‘No’ to the following questions:

  1. Was my partner raised in an alcoholic or other dysfunctional family?
  2. Is my partner in an Alcoholics Anonymous, Al-Anon or Adult Children of Alcoholics recovery program?
  3. Does my partner have an eating disorder such as overeating, anorexia or bulimia?
  4. Is my partner moody or someone who cries easily and frequently or suffers from prolonged depression?
  5. Does my partner frequently space out or lose track of a conversation for no apparent reason?
  6. Is my partner often accident prone during unremembered time periods?
  7. Is my partner afraid to have children? Or children of a particular sex?
  8. Is my partner uneasy about being around adults of a particular gender?
  9. Does my partner frequently wear inappropriately tight or revealing clothing?
  10. Does my partner frequently wear loose clothing or excessive layer of clothing?
  11. Does my partner compulsively have sex or love relationships?
  12. Does my partner almost exclusively use sex to get money, control or affection?
  13. Does my partner have siblings who were victims of incest or sexual abuse?
  14. Has my partner engaged in self-mutilation, self-tattooing or threatened suicide?

If you answered Yes to three or more of these 14 questions, you are likely the partner of a sexual abuse survivor who may be struggling with PTSD. However, keep in mind that only a qualified, PTSD informed mental health professional can make a diagnosis. Check out the article PTSD Support for Spouses: Wrapping Your Mind Around Healing to find out more about loving someone in the PTSD healing process.

Join your loved one on the journey! Subscribe, so you won’t miss out on upcoming articles about how to be a positive member of your loved one’s Healing Team (handy button at the top/side of this page). It’s free! So, let the adventure begin! Also, feel free to ask questions, let me know what you think about the series, or just see what I’m up to! Here’s how to connect:

PTSD Support for Spouses: Wrapping your mind around healing

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A deep bond and strength comes from helping your loved one heal from PTSD. Enjoy it! It's lasting. Photo credit: Graur Razvan Ionut/freedigitalphotos.net

When couples discover that PTSD is interfering in their relationship, risk suddenly enters into the equation. The survivor risks sharing the painful recovery process and the partner risks being involved. Want one sure-fire way to minimize those risks? Change the focus of your nurturing and support.

In the beginning, most spouses make the mistake of trying to steer their loved one away from the terrible reality of what happened (and is still happening). Stop doing that. It’s not helping. Instead, start nurturing and supporting your loved one with a heart of empathy and acceptance, from a place of listening and allowing their feelings – a sacred place. You are currently the stronger half of your partnership and have what it takes to reach this place where your relationship can truly blossom.

Healing from PTSD can be a mutual journey where you both learn a tremendous amount about yourselves as individuals and as a couple. There will be a place in your partner’s healing journey where you will find a way over or around some of the biggest obstacles in your relationship. If neither of you chooses to turn around and walk away (literally or mentally/emotionally), your commitment to each other will take on new depth and meaning.

I’m not going to sugar coat your loved one’s healing process. It can be gut wrenching to watch. There will be times when you never know who you’re going to come home to. One day your spouse is fine, cooking, playing with the kids. The next day, you might find him/her curled up in the closet. One thing is for sure, you’ll know your partner has no control over their flashbacks, because this isn’t the person you know and love. No one would ever choose to be in this much pain.

Your partner will struggle with the PTSD healing journey. No doubt about it. However, it is their struggle. It is your job to track the wonderful successes along the way. Each time your loved one overcomes a trigger, be there to help him/her reason through it. This is just one example of those small victories that will keep you both going and strengthen your connection.

The skills you’ll build to help the survivor on their journey are the same skills necessary to thrive in any growing, satisfying relationship. Many spouses secretly hold an idea that if it gets just too hard, too crazy, too painful, they can always walk away, because who could blame them? Don’t think that by walking out on this relationship when it gets hard, you’ll get away from facing your own need for personal growth. The mistake you’ll really be making is jeopardizing what might possibly be your loved one’s last chance at being free from PTSD forever, or worse, drive them over the edge.

Healing from PTSD, especially if it involves sexual healing, will be one of the greatest challenges you will face as a couple. The best part? You will enjoy a lifetime of mutual understanding and deep trust long after the healing is done. But you’ll have to employ these things:

  • Open communication
  • Respect for each other’s individuality
  • Commitment to forming a Healing Team

Did you know that you can personally reap some amazing benefits and positive side effects by choosing to help your partner heal? Here are just a few:

  • Improved self-esteem
  • Richness and depth of your relationship
  • Effective, workable partnership
  • Mutual change for the better
  • A safe place to share yourself
  • Increased honesty and communication
  • Creative exploration of intimacy

Throughout your loved one’s healing journey, there will be valleys of despair and mountain top experiences of victory. Your support gives your loved one the permission to boldly explore new and sometimes frightening territory. Being a loving, compassionate partner just might be the first step in helping the survivor in your life get on the path toward healing.

It is in moments of unconditional acceptance that a survivor will choose to see their spouse as an ally. Can you find the courage and compassion to see your loved one as a victim of a crime, a war, or a terrible tragedy, and suffering horribly from aftereffects they have no control over? Are you committed to walking through PTSD healing with the survivor in your life?

Join your loved one on the journey! Subscribe, so you won’t miss out on upcoming articles about how to be a positive member of your loved one’s Healing Team (handy button at the top/side of this page). It’s free! So, let the adventure begin! Also, feel free to ask questions, let me know what you think about this new series, PTSD Support for Spouses, or just see what I’m up to! Here’s how to connect:

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